K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize