We're like a lot better than the average bears
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
