Yo dont text me then not text me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
