the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
