nut hugger
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
