Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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