i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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