I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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