im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
