omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
