Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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