I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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