I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
