He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
