im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
