My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
