If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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