if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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