Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Acid is not a monday night drug
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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