News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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