Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
