I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Mom said you looked used
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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