I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
