so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
