i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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