Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
