oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
