the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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