i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
