There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
