I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
