I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize