Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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