think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
