so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
