Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize