too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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