Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think i have two assholes
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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