Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
