I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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