Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
