dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
