I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
