not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize