either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
