Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
