Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
