3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize