He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize