We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
