the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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