How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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