I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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