Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
