I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
