I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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