we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
