Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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