just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you win again, gameday.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
