and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
