i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you will always have a special place in my vag
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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