i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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