I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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