What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
