Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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