Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish you could order shots online.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
