Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
