she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
