it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
do herpes really smell.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
