It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
